Toxic Masculinity: A Social Construct in Need of Change
The concept of masculinity refers to a social construct with some basis in human physiology. However, how we define what is masculine depends on several cultural and historical contexts. For instance, at one point in history, wearing high heels was seen as the height of men's fashion, but today, it is often considered feminine. Similarly, geographic location can influence perceptions of masculinity. In the USA, it is not considered masculine for platonic men to hold hands, while in several Arabic and Southeast Asian countries, this is a normal part of male friendship. As a social construct, masculinity is dynamic and prone to change. Change is a key feature of masculinity. The staunch resistance to this change and the restrictive definition of what it means to be masculine are central to how masculinity can become toxic.
An example of the restrictive definition of masculinity can be found in the old idea of “boys don’t cry.” Crying is a healthy and natural human behavior, but it is unfortunately stigmatized in social practice. Crying is often labeled as feminine, which not only stigmatizes men who cry but also contributes to the label of women as “too emotional.” Men who cry are labeled as feminine and often punished for it. By creating a social system in which healthy emotional behaviors are considered un-manly, we limit the emotional options available to men. A common phrase around men who embody the current, restrictive shape of masculinity is, “Nothing is wrong, I’m just tired.” Being tired is socially acceptable because it is associated with “hard work,” not emotional struggle. As a result, "tired" becomes a catch-all term for any emotional or physical burden, making it difficult for men to express emotional pain.
This restrictive definition also gatekeeps certain behaviors, as seen in the idea that only boys enjoy “rough play” or “play fighting.” Play fighting among children allows them to exercise concepts like setting rules in play and expressing consent to engage in physical contact. However, when this kind of play is labeled as masculine, it discourages girls from participating and stigmatizes boys who don’t engage in it.
Toxicity also arises from the social practice of labeling negative behaviors as masculine in an attempt to excuse and normalize them. The term “boys will be boys” has been used to justify male violence against other men and sexual violence against women. There is nothing inherently masculine about violence or sexual violence, yet these behaviors are often labeled as masculine to excuse those who engage in them. An additional element to consider regarding this label, “boys will be boys” is not something used to excuse men’s sexual violence against other men. Similarly, men’s aggression is frequently described as a form of conflict resolution or problem solving, often labeled as “assertiveness” or “dominance.” This reinforces the idea that men will be socially rewarded for aggressive behavior, which can lead to short-term gains but harms long-term sustainability in both personal and professional relationships.
These restrictive definitions and labels can contribute to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction in men’s relationships. Men who adhere to a narrow definition of masculinity often struggle with emotional vulnerability, which leads to a lack of emotional connection. This isolation can deepen the emotional burden men carry, reinforcing the toxic cycle.
While toxic masculinity is a pervasive issue, there is hope. Society is slowly evolving towards a more inclusive and healthy understanding of masculinity. More and more men are embracing vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and rejecting outdated stereotypes. By redefining masculinity to be more inclusive of emotional expression, cooperation, and respect for others, we can move toward a future where masculinity is not something that limits men but empowers them.
The restrictive and harmful behaviors associated with toxic masculinity contribute to a cycle of emotional repression, violence, and isolation. However, by challenging these outdated norms and embracing a more inclusive and fluid understanding of masculinity, we can foster healthier relationships, greater emotional well-being, and a more compassionate society. We must continue to break down the stereotypes that limit both men and women, encouraging everyone to express themselves authentically and without shame.
It’s time to redefine masculinity.
- Mauricio Verduzco LPC
